internet things that need to go

new year, new need for a global algorithm colonic

it’s that weird period between christmas and new year again. none of us know what day it is, the bailey’s has dried up, and we’re no longer sure if it’s socially acceptable to restock more; + there’s nothing else to do but consume more internet.

as i do the latter, i’m keeping a list of what needs to go straight to (my) 2024 internet jail as i scroll.

things that need to go:

• tiktok intro ‘hooks’ (‘besties’ being the most offensive)

• cry-broadcasting (a non-mover)

• creators with no medical background diagnosing the internet

• the worlds short-form media addiction

• the kardashians* (a non-mover)

• silent unboxing videos + the tiktok ‘gasp’ & hand-waving-in front-of-face move that comes with it

• every brand working with the same influencers

• using food to market cosmetics and fashion

• tiktok creator ticks

• brands using ‘filler content’ (if you have nothing to say, feel free to be silent)

• chatgpt apology statements & video scripts (matilda djerf…)

• brands that continue to go viral despite using toxic ingredients

• influencers promoting said brands

• the worlds obsession with plastic (not necessarily internet related but needs to be said nonetheless)

• tiktok ruining travel & restaurants

• ai models

• replying in the comment section “i’m going to hold your hand when i tell you this”

• instagram notes

• the uk’s obsession with molly mae

  
  *although kim as nadia lee cohens’ silent muse, I’m here for

xxxx

bryony